Altered Fridays….

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Fridays are a bit tough at the moment.

From now on, the ending of a work week will also mark the end of my father’s life.

Four Fridays ago I was leaving work laughing with a co-worker about my “pathetic”  foot & shoulder injuries.

One Friday later I was sitting beside my father’s still body.

Three weeks.  One day it seems shorter than that; the next, longer.

Some days I want to rush through this grieving as quickly as possible.  Other days I want to slow it down to find some inner peace.  I don’t really know what I want but I suspect I need to be kinder to myself.

Tonight the manservant took me to the Kennedy Center to see Dianne Reeves perform -  I hadn’t wanted to go, but I enjoyed it once I got there.

Tomorrow a friend is taking me to a chocolate boutique/lounge for lunch.   I promised my mother I would eat something healthy before the chocolate…..

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Pretty Jazzy

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Window displays at the back of the Washington DC Convention Center.

Cherry Blossom season is coming:

U Street – a popular jazz corridor – also the location of Ben’s Chili Bowl (sometime hangout of Bill Cosby and President Obama).  A frock made of chili would not have been nearly as attractive as this “ivories” creation is….

I can’t think of a title…

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This grieving stuff is hard …but it’s a bit like recovering from an injury (and I’ve had a few of those);  one good day followed by a bad day and hoping that eventually some form of healing will come.

Someone said to me today “we forget that our parents went through the same thing with their parents; we probably didn’t notice because they were being strong for us”.

My father’s dad died suddenly at a young age; my father was not long in Australia with a newborn – me.  He did not go back to Guernsey;  he did not have money for flights.

When it came to his mother though he had exactly the same sort of trip that I’ve just made .  She was admitted to hospital in Guernsey and as she had apparently alienated all her friends (paranoid schizophrenic)  it was up to the police to find her next of kin.   It was me who answered the phone when they called and I rode my bike down the paddock to tell him.   The flight from Australia to Guernsey is incredibly long & we lived 8 hours drive from Sydney to start with.   One must fly Sydney to London (around 28 hours in those days)  then onto Guernsey. He did not make it in time to say goodbye – she was only 63.  He stayed awhile to tidy up her affairs; we did not see him grieve.

On my mother’s side;  her father died at age 88.   He dropped dead from a massive heart attack while cooking eggs for my grandmother’s breakfast.  At that time my parents lived about 7 hours drive away;  their car broke down soon after starting their trip.  As my father was by then paralyzed down one side from his stroke, my mother had to call for help and wait another day for parts & repairs before setting out again. By that time my (ex) husband and I were already with my grandmother.  I remember the funeral director coming and mum’s younger sister making the same sorts of decisions my siblings & I have just made.  When my parents arrived my mother took on the role of caretaker of her mother;  much as I’ve just done with her.

Mum’s mother went into a nursing home when she was in her 90′s and passed away quietly when she was 99.   She had asked a nurse for a cup of tea and when the nurse came back Nan had just slipped away; no fuss.  Nan hated to cause a fuss.   I’d been to visit only a couple of weeks before and was back in the US when she died.  Mum said “don’t come back” so I don’t know how she coped in that final step to becoming an orphan.

I’ve lost more friends than I have family.   I never knew my paternal grandfather  & I only met my paternal grandmother once when I stayed with her for 2 months in Guernsey after finishing high school.  She never came to Australia; my father had left Guernsey in 1952 and only had one trip back while she was alive  (1974).

We grew up with mum’s parents, Nan & Papa, being a huge influence in our lives.   We lived on the farm; they lived in the town.  We lived in dirt; they lived on bitumen.  We saw them numerous times a week & I have many happy memories of  weekends staying with them.  But, by the time each passed away my life was far from that middle-of- nowhere town; Sydney when Papa died and Washington DC when Nan died.  I was saddened but I was one step removed from them; I had my mother as the buffer.  It occurs to me now that I probably never asked my mother how she was coping.

I took very few family photos during my 12 days home – one of my brother & his family the day after the funeral and this one below of my locksmith son and my daughter (the princess), the night before I flew back.    In our culture we seem to be embarrassed by grief; I’ve been “strong”  in front of my children and it probably seems to them that I have not been very upset over their grandfather’s passing which probably impacts somewhat on their own level of grieving.    Life is a funny thing.

Things

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Thank you to everyone for the messages of sympathy, comments and cards; I’ve truly appreciated the sentiments expressed and caring shown by my on-line friends.

The manservant was trying to get off a mountain in the Chilean Andes when my father passed away.   It took him 4 days to get to Sydney on a convoluted flight plan which had him flying about 16,000 miles and resulted in his luggage being left in Buenos Aires.  That would be the luggage carrying his suit.  He stopped at a Target on his way and bought dark clothes suitable for the service.    (His bag has since turned up in his DC office – he’s still in Australia).

According to Jane’s husband the most likely time to have a heart attack is when one is grieving.   I’m sure I was just having anxiety attacks……

One should not attempt to dye their hair with an unfamiliar brand just two days before their father’s funeral.  This disaster was repaired with a Streaking Kit, Jane and a bottle of wine.  The leaflet said to get a “trusted friend”  to assist.   Oh, that would be the wine!  (Jane did a pretty good job).

One should go out and buy something ridiculous to take to their father’s funeral  – mine was a bright red patent leather handbag; my father loved colour. It was just big enough to hold car keys, the digital Canon and tissues.

“Refreshments” take on an enormous importance at funerals.  Who’d have thought sandwiches and cakes were so important to the farewell process.

Mum didn’t want people coming to the house as she didn’t feel up to seeing people. So, as I rang people I was to say that she would let them know if she needed anything in the hope they’d take the hint.  I said well there go our casserole dinners..  and she said:  “I don’t like casseroles”.   People came anyway but they brought personal things like chocolate, hand lotions and soaps.

I drove mum and the manservant to the funeral.  It’s a 110 Kph speed limit from her house to where we had the service but she had me driving at around 80kph because she didn’t want to have a tragedy on top of the death.  I said “mum, I’ve never had so many people overtake me in my life!”.

Mum wanted photos of the casket and flowers but was worried this might be “weird”.   I told the celebrant we’d be doing it so she wouldn’t be surprised if someone jumped up with a camera.    We were early (even at 80kph) and I was able to take the requested photos with no-one there.    I told dad that I hoped he was smiling in there.

Rain does not stop for funerals.  My mother said “I think dad’d be quite pleased with the bad weather”.   It was pouring heavily as the grandsons carried the coffin to the hearse.  The funeral director walked in front of the hearse as a mark of respect as the hearse moved away and down the street  – poor guy must’ve been soaked!

Even an organizer has to eventually have a break down – the smallest things brought many tears in the days after the funeral.

I left the manservant with my mother for a few more days and got back to DC late last night (Sunday).   When I arrived in San Francisco the Immigration Officer asked me “what was the reason for your trip outside the country”  as I answered “my father’s funeral”  I started to cry.  I think that hurried the process along.

After sitting with headphones on and eyes closed for about 4 of the 6 hour flight from SF to DC I went off to the toilet and returned to find I was sitting next to chatty Cathy!  As I sat with what must’ve been a (fake) encouraging look on my face she rambled on about her kids, her husband and a few other things that I tuned out.  I kept thinking “I wonder if she’d leave me alone if I tell her my father just died.”      I doubt it.

My bright pink suitcase was one of the first out on the carousel and I heard a man complain that it “didn’t even have a priority tag on it” – which his non-appearing bag must’ve had.   I thought to myself “well, that’s the best thing that’s happened to me this week”.

I got home and had chocolate and wine in the middle of the night.   I was awake at 4am.  I did not go to work.   I’ve spent the day trying not to think about things I’m not ready to think about.

I have to go back to work tomorrow -  I suspect I’m going to spend a lot of it fighting tears as I’m not good at dealing with my emotions when people are being solicitous towards me.

I’m going to have an early night tonight; my father used to say you can face anything if you’ve had a good night’s sleep.

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The Organizer

That’s what I am.

It’s now a week since my brother made an awful international call saying dad had gone down and probably wasn’t going to come up again.

My first thoughts through a veil of tears were:  Oh God, what will I do without my father; who will fix things for me now.   Even though he hasn’t “fixed”  anything for me in a long time, I’ve been calling him once a week for ages – sometimes the calls would go 40 minutes and sometimes only 5, depending on how well he was, but each call was precious to both of us.

Swatting away the tears I got my grown-up gear on and scrambled to get flights, booked a rental car and arranged travel insurance.  Important things like passport, Australian sim card (for mobile phone) and credit card went into my handbag along with some Aussie dollars I keep on hand.  Then I selected one sombre outfit and laid it with care in the bottom of my suitcase.  I stood back and thought “I need more than that” …..  Upon arrival I found I’d packed 17 pairs of panties, one bra, 2 skirts and 3 tops.   For some bizarre reason I also packed 4 pairs of shoes.   I had no laptop and no manservant.  It’s the first time I’ve flown without getting an email or message from dad telling me he was sending a fairy to sit on my shoulder to keep me safe  – he used to call it the “love fairy”.   I think she flew with me anyway.

I arrived on Tuesday -  it was more than 40 hours since I’d last showered (a working week!)  but my teeth were clean.  It was another 3 hour drive from the airport to the nursing home.  I’d rung before leaving San Francisco – “no change”  – but then there was phone silence for about 16 hours and one’s mind can be very cruel during all those hours.

As soon as I could in Sydney I’d rung again -  “no change” .  Then it occurred to me that they might be lying to me because they wouldn’t want me sobbing as I drove for 3 hours. God, I was tired  -  the last sleep I’d had was Friday night and the last food was a slice of pizza on Saturday evening.   As I drove away from the airport I did wonder how I was going to stay on the road for 3 hours …. those Stop:Revive:Survive  stations suddenly looked very attractive.

Dad knew who was with him as he became a little more alert during Wednesday but by Friday breakfast Max was gone. His nightshift girls stood around his bed in tears and told me what a wonderful father I’d had and how he’d taught them a lot of things about how nursing should be done.

Then the phone calls had to be made.  I got better at it as I went along though that probably meant I also become more robotic.

Mum and I were sitting here with glasses of red wine when a neighbour popped in.   It was after 10am somewhere in the world.

After Jane arrived we went to the supermarket – it was weird to be strolling around selecting what we’d have for lunch -  we bought smoked salmon, avocados, tzatziki, turkey, tabouli, and a very big box of tissues.   It almost annoyed me that everyone looked so happy – didn’t they know that the best father ever had just left.

The checkout lady said “good morning, how are you?’   by rote you answer “good thanks”  though really you want to say “well, actually I’m feeling really crappy because my father died a couple of hours ago”.

It helps that they live in a seaside village – red eyes are not abnormal.

After lunch it was back to just mum & I  – mum gave me what she calls her “memorial book” (as most of the contacts in it have died)  and asked me to go through ringing more people.   I also called the solicitor (lawyer) and the funeral director who said that the limo had just picked dad up.  (well, she didn’t actually say “limo” but I like to think he was taken out in style even though I suspect he was not).

I had to go through dad’s precious tin chests looking for papers needed for the funeral home;  I had to go back to the nursing home to pick up what we thought he’d like to wear for his send off.

I thought I was having a heart attack through Friday night  -  I sat up and raised my arms above my head (I’d read that somewhere) wishing the tightness away and wondering if I should go and press mum’s medic alert.  I thought how awful it would be for her to find me like that but then wondered if they’d stick me in the same casket as dad.   The mind is a strange thing.

Yesterday the funeral director came with the little photo album of caskets etc.  I wonder if they’re trained to have those softly modulated voices.  The family sat in a circle with her and chose what we thought he’d like.

After selecting the casket (majority ruled on that one) she asked:  how many handles?   Oh – something we hadn’t discussed – pall bearers.  Well, there are 6 grandsons so let’s go with that ….   a weird image popped into my head so I asked:   are adult coffins all the same size?   She explained that they tailor them to fit the deceased so dad’s would be on the small side.  “Oh, I said,  well we have 6 really burly pall bearers – I don’t think 3 of them will fit along the side of a small coffin” .   Everyone sort of laughed (probably uncomfortably) but this is really worrying me now  – I’m sure it will turn out on the day -  the manservant says I just “like to find things to worry about”.

I’ve spoken to the caterer about the sandwiches and tea for the “after refreshments” -  after getting all the prices and options on those my brother asked “how many slices of bread do we get – like, do I get two triangles or four?”    And yes, I did call back to ask – he will get an entire sandwich if he wishes.  It’s going to be difficult catering for the right number – given he was 80 there are not many old buddies still around or capable of driving.   There are 22 family so I will tell them they can’t eat if it looks like food’s getting short  LOL….   actually I did ask what happens if we cater for 30 and 50 turn up and she said they just cut things in half.    I don’t want things to look as though we’re being scabby but equally how sad it would look to cater for 50 and only have 25 show up.

Tomorrow the celebrant comes to talk about the order of the service.  She will want to know what music we want (3 pieces) and needs photos for the programe guide.   Last night mum and I looked at photos she had while Jane emailed me back and forth with some photos and a little presentation her son is going to give at the service.   We selected two photos.  I think we’re going to argue over the music……

As we were going to bed last night mum said:  “you’re just like your father you know.   He was a great organizer.  When he saw that something needed to be done he would just dig in and do it”   I hope I’m as tough as dad too.

 

His or Hers ?

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I’m betting this car is not driven by a guy…    I added the blue smudge on the number plate but not the pink squiggle along the bottom – and it might be difficult to see without clicking on the photo but there is also a Miss Kitty on the plate.

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Food List Challenge

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I got this from Leeenda….      I’m pretty willing to try  most things, I even tried Stinky Tofu when we were in China but I did not attempt the street food that resembled rat tails (the manservant did and he survived but I think his stomach is cast iron).    The things I’m least likely to try are sweet things that come in packets, I’m not a big cake, cookie or candy eater except for Chocolate – and then I’m sort of fussy about the chocolate I eat.

Bold what you’ve tried:

1.  Abalone:  When I was young we’d go to the beach for summer holidays.   My much older cousin would dive for abalone & spear-fish off the rocks of Dee Why beach and he’d bring back hessian bags of abalone.  I don’t remember how they were prepared and I don’t remember if I liked them.

2.  Absinthe:    I don’t think so.

3.  Alligator:   No,  but I’ve had crocodile – does that count?    I didn’t like it at all.    I was on a first “date” with someone after my divorce and we’d gone to a  fancy restaurant.    I thought the crocodile was so awful I had to swap it for his meal which I think was a steak that he’d been really looking forward to.

4.  Baba Ghanoush -  *love* it!   but then I like all those sorts of Middle Eastern dippy things.

5.  Bagel & Lox  -    Yes, on my first trip to New York (first trip to US)  in 1999  -  I think I tried everything that I’d ever read about or seen in a movie.

6.  Baklava -  absolutely- it’s so deliciously bad for you.  A Turkish guy at work makes it and shares it.

7.  Barbeque Ribs  -  yes,  but I don’t really like them -  too rich and too messy.

8.  Bellini -  yes,  I’ve tried a lot of cocktails  – I’ve been legal drinking age for a very long time.

9.  Bird’s Nest Soup  -  no,  despite eating some weird unidentified foods in China I don’t think I’ve had Bird’s Nest Soup.

10.  Biscuits & Gravy  -  as you know we Aussies call cookies  “biscuits” so the first time I saw a sign advertising Biscuits & Gravy I fell about laughing at the thought of how disgusting it must taste.    I’ve still not tried it even though  I now know that biscuits are actually like savory scones.

11.  Black Pudding – absolutely!   My father used to occasionally fry it up with bacon and eggs for breakfast.   When in Spain I got it every time I saw it on the menu (morcilla) and I’ve bought it a few times here in DC but it doesn’t taste as good as when dad cooked it.

12.  Black Truffle – nope

13.  Borscht  – yes, and I’ve made it a few times.

14.  Calamari -  yep -  it tastes the best deep fried and eaten while enjoying a nice white wine.

15.  Carp -   my grandfather used to fish for carp in the Macquarie River and mum would lightly fry fillets.   I think they’re considered a pest now (the carp; not mum & papa).

16.  Caviar  – yes but not the fancy expensive type they probably mean.

17.  Cheese Fondue -  yes my parents used to have fondue parties in the 70′s  and one birthday in the last decade I made 3 of my friends eat at a Swiss Fondue restaurant.   We felt like slugs for days!!

18.  Chicken & Waffles  -  this doesn’t sound very nice – is it similar to my mistaking biscuits & gravy?

19.  Chicken Tikka Masala – yes and I’ve made it myself.

20.  Chile Relleno  -  I don’t know what it is.

21.  Chitlins  -  yes – here in DC.   I didn’t mind them but then I like black pudding!

22.  Churros  -  yes – the first time I had them was at Disneyland.

23.  Clam Chowder  -  yes on the harbour in Baltimore.

24.  Cognac  – yes but didn’t like it much.  I was young -  perhaps I should try it again……

25.  Crab Cakes -  absolutely -  one of the “must have” things in this area -  Maryland Blue Crabs are famous.

26.  Crickets – no but I’ve tried Witchetty Grub – it was sort  flavorless.

27.  Currywurst -  sounds like it belongs to the bratwurst/liverwurst family – I’ve had a few of them.

28.  Dandelion Wine  – no

29.  Dulce De Leche  -  is there a downside to caramel.

30.  Durian -  no, and I think the smell would put me off – says she who put Stinky Tofu in her mouth!! 

31.  Eel  -  my father used to buy smoked eel when we went on those summer holidays to Sydney.  It was a special treat for him as it was expensive.  I remember it being oily and salty.

32.  Eggs Benedict  – yes – it was something I had to learn to cook when I did Commercial Cookery classes.

33.  Fish Tacos  – no

34.  Foie Gras -   not the expensive fancy kind they probably  mean.

35.  Fresh Spring Rolls  – yes

36.  Fried Catfish  -  yes

37.  Fried Green Tomatoes -  made by me and they were really good – it was the first time the manservant had eaten them too.   The first year in this house we grew tomatoes and had a huge crop.  As the first frost was about to hit I picked all the green tomatoes and sought ideas on Vox for what to do with them.   I also made an “apple” pie.

38.  Fried Plantain  -   about once a year from the Sweet Mango Cafe.

39.  Frito Pie -  I don’t know what it is but it doesn’t sound good.

40.  Frogs’ Legs -  a couple of times; once in Sydney and once in Brussels.  The Belgium ones were better.

41. Fugu – I’d be scared of dying.

42.  Funnel Cake -  I’ve not been to a county or state fair yet….

43.  Gazpacho  -  yes but I’m not really a fan of cold soups.

44.   Goat – yes in curry from Jamaican jerk chicken place

45.  Goat’s milk  – yes  – relatives used to keep goats on the cliffs above a beach.  They’d milk them as one daughter was allergic to diary.   I thought the goat’s milk was disgusting  – haven’t tried it since but I love goat cheese.

46.  Goulash  -  mum used to make this about once a month for dinner.

47.  Gumbo – yes in New Orleans during a  long long-weekend.

48.  Haggis -  yes – complete with some ceremony that involved carrying the tray of haggis around the table and toasting each time the tray stopped.  I suspect we were well lubed up on alcohol by the time we actually ate it and so unable to remember the taste.

49.  Head Cheese -  does this mean the yellow stuff out of prawns/shrimps/crabs?

50.  Heirloom Tomatoes -  yes, from the Farmer’s Market – lovely sliced on sourdough bread with some basil and crushed black pepper.

51.  Honeycomb  – if you ever get to Mudgee in Australia go to Honey Haven – they have the best of honey-everything.

52.  Hostess Fruit Pie – is this one of those things you find in a packet at gas stations?   The manservant says I would starve on a road trip because I won’t eat anything like that.

53.   Huevos Rancheros  -  something the manservant gets for breakfast on occasional weekends.   I’ve had some off his plate -  I’d never be able to get through even half a plate to myself.

54.   Jerk Chicken -  from the Sweet Mango Cafe -  it’s good but I prefer their curried goat.

55.   Kangaroo  -  grew up on kangaroo tail soup which was really more like a stew.  In those days not a lot of the meat was eaten as it was thought it was infested with worms  – I guess cooking the tail for many hours got rid of them!    As an adult I’ve had kangaroo steak a number of times -  it’s very low in fat so has to be carefully cooked so it’s not overdone and tough.

56.   Key Lime Pie  -  yes.

57.   Kobe Beef  -   I don’t think so.

58.   Lassi  -   I hope that’s not a mispelt version of the dog….   I haven’t tried the drink either.

59.   Lobster – yes but I don’t think my stomach liked it very much.

60.   Mimosa -  yes, it involves alcohol…..

61.   MoonPie -  no, it’s another one of those things in packets isn’t it.

62.   Morel Mushrooms -   dried ones added to cooking.  I don’t like mushrooms much.

63.   Nettle Tea  -  yes – didn’t like it.   I always associate nettles with nasty stings on my legs.

64.   Octopus -  yes  marinated & added to a Greek salad – very  nice.

65.   Oxtail Soup  – something else I grew up on.   Something else to make me anxious to leave home!

66.   Paella  – in Barcelona – it was wonderful.   There’s now a Spanish restaurant not far from home and they make a very passable paella  -  we get it to serve on special occasions.

67.   Paneer  -  yes, I love the Indian curry which has paneer, spinach and potato cubes.

68.   Pastrami on Rye  – no,  I don’t like pastrami.

69.   Pavlova  – of course -  I’m Australian and I’ve been to many backyard barbies and social events in the community hall!

70.   Phaal  -  no but I think it’s a curry and I like curries.

71.  Philly Cheese Steak  – yes in Philadelphia  -  it was actually the manservant’s which I took a bit of.   I’d asked a local where to get the best one  – I don’t remember the name of the place now.

72.   Pho – yes  – there was a huge Pho craze here for awhile.

73.   Pineapple & Cottage Cheese  -  yes something my mother used to mix up to go with  lunch.   I think you can buy it pre-mixed now.

74.   Pistachio Ice Cream – yes  -  I’m not a big ice-cream fan though so I wasn’t really impressed.

75.   Po’Boy – yes in New Orleans the same long weekend as I had Gumbo   – and  a lot of Hurricanes (the drink).

76.   Pocky -  seen them but never tried them.  Not sure why not – they have chocolate!

77.   Polenta – have had nice ones in restaurants but my one effort at cooking it was a disaster.

78.   Prickly Pear – no

79.   Rabbit Stew – yes another of those growing up staples.    Mum used to add a lot of red wine – I always hoped I’d get drunk.

80.   Raw Oysters – yep love them.   And I’ve shucked them right there on the rocks around Myall Lakes and eaten them on the spot.

81.   Root Beer Float  -  nope – got root beer and ice cream – yuck.

82.   S’mores  -  once and I didn’t see what all the fuss was about – perhaps you have to grow up having them around campfires.

83.   Sauerkraut – oh yes, something else from my childhood.   This went with the cold left-over corned beef.    Horrible stuff.

84.  Sea Urchin  – yes from the sushi menu (uni).

85.  Shark  -  yes – also called Flake, it was the main ingredient of fish & chips in Australia.  The best fish & chips were those that came wrapped in newspaper with a few slices of lemon and vinegar over the chips.

86.   Snail -   the common garden variety no;  the gourmet variety – yes once.

87.  Snake  – yes barbecued by that same older cousin who used to dive for abalone.   It wasn’t too bad.  He made the skin into a belt for himself.

88.  Soft Shell Crab -  yes, once -  it was weird to eat the shell.

89.   Som Tam  -   I had to look at my Thai menu to see if this was the papaya salad.  I usually order by numbers.

90.   Spaetzle  -  don’t know what it is.

91.   Spam  – yes,  disgusting stuff!  My dad used to eat this -  still does – mum smuggles it into the nursing home – though I think he gets the “reduced” salt version now.

92.   Squirrel  -  no,  they look too cute to eat.

93.   Steak Tartare -  learnt to prepare it while doing the Commercial Cooking course  -  I prefer my meat cooked.

94.   Sweet Potato Fries  – seems like something I should’ve tried but nope….

95.   Sweetbreads  – yes -  I grew up on a farm – nothing much was wasted.

96.   Tom Yum  -   yummy soup.

97.   Umeboshi  -  not sure what this is.

98.   Venison – don’t think so.

99.   Wasabi Peas -  yes.  We put them out when we have guests  – we like them;   not many of our guests do.

100.   Zucchini Flowers – yes stuffed ones made by me  – back in the days when I used to cook fancy things.

 

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Lowering the Pressure…

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I have an Omron blood pressure monitor to take my own BP as I suffer badly from white coat syndrome.  It looks a bit like this but it’s an older model and it certainly didn’t cost that much.

2011 was a good year – no falls, broken bones or surgeries – so I got out of the habit of taking my BP because I wasn’t seeing any doctors.  I had probably not taken my BP at home in more than 9 months.

Just after Thanksgiving I had my yearly medical and my BP was high in the doctor’s office but she sort of wrote it off because she “knows”  I’m monitoring it at home and would mention if it was getting high on my own machine…….

Three weeks later I went back for a follow up to zap sun spots as our insurance doesn’t cover any “procedures”  during a medical even though she had plenty of time to stun the spots with nitrogen.  This visit she said “wow, your BP is very, very high” and asked what readings I was getting at home – ummmmm – sprung..     She took it 6 or 7 times getting a higher reading each time as it started to hurt both my arm and my head!

She eventually released me with homework -  take my BP twice a day and fax the readings to her at the end of January.

I came home fully expecting my machine to show the usual 120/80 previously recorded but the figures which came up really scared me.   They were in the high 150′s over 110+ range.   I didn’t remember the figures the doctor got but if my BP was this high while “relaxed” at home it must’ve been in the critical range at her office.    Perhaps my machine was malfunctioning……..   subsequent readings showed similar disturbing numbers which discounted that theory.

Given that my father had his massive stroke at 54 and his father died even younger than that from cerebral hemorrhage, I was frightened.  I tearily said to the manservant “it’s one thing to have a stroke and just die because I won’t know anything,  but I don’t want to have a stroke and survive  like dad for more than  20 or 30 years”  (though dad would say he’s very glad he survived).

I took a hard look at the last few months –  well the year really.  All the worry over my father and being so far from home & the decisions being made;  worrying about my kids, especially the Economist with his near garroting and then the collapsed lung;    lots of stress & uncertainty at work – would I lose my job;  would I move offices;  would I have the same position in the new office;  if I stayed in the old office what would my role be;    I ultimately moved offices but went on my own – no work friends went with me  -  the only good thing was the 3 miles from home.

Then came the period from Thanksgiving to Christmas – lots of entertaining and being entertained.   These occasions started to spill from the weekends into the working-week nights.   My diet, alcohol consumption and sleep were going to hell.    Just as well I was still walking….

After Christmas I determined to cut down on salt (hence the less bacon resolution), cut back on the alcohol (my one glass-of-wine-a-day had expanded into 2, 3, 4, more…..) and to find some zen.

In the last 2 weeks my readings have lowered heaps but they’re still higher than “normal”   -  they’re now in the 130′s over mid 90′s.   I no longer feel that my blood is trying to injure me and I’m optimistic the numbers  will continue to lower as long as I control those “bad”  elements -  really I’m quite happy with one glass of wine a night and  I like fruits & veggies ;  I  just need to work on some de-stressing techniques as family & work will always worry me.

And on the subject of fruit & veggies …….   we were watching the news the other night when the presenter said a new study showed that  ”eating 3 kiwis a day could lower your blood pressure”  ……     I’m sure New Zealanders would call that cannibalism.

And they must be dismayed by this:

Last pig-out of 2011

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I’ve whipped up a lamb curry for the last dinner of 2011. Divine smells are wafting out of the kitchen, making my mouth water, but it’s not quite ready yet.    After curry we’ll open a couple of Christmas gifts –  a bottle of champagne and a box of chocolates.   I doubt we will be awake at midnight so,  Happy New Year everyone!   I hope 2012 is a really good year – happy, healthy & peaceful.

I intend to cut back on the bacon this year ……

How far will the elastic stretch?

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Well,  it was back to work on Tuesday in the elastic waistband required after a well nourished Christmas weekend.    The office kitchen was full of tempting goodies & leftovers people had brought in to share – and I accepted the invitation to help myself.

Wednesday evening the manservant and I hosted a Chilean family for dinner –   parents and three kids (10, 12, 14).  In deference to the kids we had pizza.

Thursday my Department Head took our little department out to lunch  - we went to a restaurant next door to our building – no walking so no calories burnt off there!

Last night we entertained Californian friends and another couple for  Thai dinner.

Today we had 2 day old leftover pizza and Thai for lunch.

Tonight the elastic waistband is feeling pretty snug!!!

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