Altered Fridays….


Fridays are a bit tough at the moment.

From now on, the ending of a work week will also mark the end of my father’s life.

Four Fridays ago I was leaving work laughing with a co-worker about my “pathetic”  foot & shoulder injuries.

One Friday later I was sitting beside my father’s still body.

Three weeks.  One day it seems shorter than that; the next, longer.

Some days I want to rush through this grieving as quickly as possible.  Other days I want to slow it down to find some inner peace.  I don’t really know what I want but I suspect I need to be kinder to myself.

Tonight the manservant took me to the Kennedy Center to see Dianne Reeves perform –  I hadn’t wanted to go, but I enjoyed it once I got there.

Tomorrow a friend is taking me to a chocolate boutique/lounge for lunch.   I promised my mother I would eat something healthy before the chocolate…..



22 responses

  1. So sorry you’re having to go through this. I’ve been through it too, a little over seven years ago now. For me, it wasTuesday mornings.

    Believe it or not, it will get easier. I swear. Not all at once, of.course, but in tiny little increments. There will come a Friday night when you’ll realize that week’s “anniversary” passed while you were doing something. You might feel guilty at first, but don’t – it’s okay, healthy even, party of the healing.

  2. Oh Emjay, ((hugs)) for you. It’s so hard when a particular day is marked forever in your life as the day a loved one died.

    I know you wish it was over, but getting over a loss is like waiting for a wound to heal. You can do little things to ease the pain and let it mend a bit quicker, but it can’t be hurried. Yes, you should be kinder to yourself, the way a person recovering from an injury needs to rest. If you have to take a break, take it, and if a little drink will help you through a hard night, have one, though I found it a lot more helpful to take it with a bit of protein, like a mild cheese or a bit of smoked salmon on crackers, or a piece of sushi if you have one in the fridge. You’ll sleep better and feel nourished.

    And ask for help! The manservant seems good at that, and I bet your friends would be more than happy to help you clean house or pick up groceries. We’re here too if you need a shoulder. Take care, dear.

  3. There is no “correct” timeline for grief. And you are doing just fine by just going along with how you feel day by day. Time heals, but it’s not a simple thing. It just has to be lived.

  4. Agree with Lauri…grief is a funny thing. I sometimes totally tear up when I get a sudden reminder of people who have passed, and I have not thought of in quite some time (obviously not as close as my family)… The only way out though is through. One thing that sort of makes me smile a bit is that you really do get to grieve, because you lost someone who was totally special and wonderful in your life…some people never feel like they experience such a great relationship. Hang in there. Enjoy the chocolate…eat what you want.

  5. I can’t remember the context. But it was about losing a loved one and how that person or people in general tend to focus on the day they lost that person. And they were asked to focus less on the day they’ve lost but rather on all the good days they had with that person. Made the grieving and moving on easier.
    My thoughts are with you and I hope you’ll make it through to the other end in the time you need.

  6. This past January it dawned on me that my mother has been dead for 5 years. It does not seem possible to have been that long ago!

    It was a different situation and there was a lot of relief when she passed, but …

    And I’m confident that in another 5 years I’ll still feel the same way.

  7. I’m sorry to hear that Emjay

    There’s no way to rush the grieving process, just let it take its natural time and give yourself time to heal.

    Lots of love and hugs from us all


  8. I know that you know that grief takes a long time to go away. But you must let yourself feel it. And you are correct that you should take good care of yourself right now, because grief is stressful and stress lowers your immune system. Chocolate is very good for treating stress and if you have a glass of red wine beforehand, red wine is good for your heart. : )
    I still miss my mother (even though we did not have a good relationship until she got cancer), and even though she has been gone for 5 years this March, it seems like less than that has passed. She died before she should have, but I am not sad any more…just sometimes a little bit angry about it.
    I have ordered a little something for you from etsy but bewilderingly, she emailed me and said it might take ten days to post. so please do not think I am a philistine and have not thought of sending you a little something (the way that you always so generously think to do for me).

  9. Grief will leave its footprint, and it will take time before it is entirely lifted. Soon its shadow, its memory, will be all that remains, as it should be. Until then, hold hard, eat your chocolate – the dark kind, which we all know is healthy – and know that we all support you and give you our best.

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