Invisible

~

This evening, coming home on the metro,  the train was full and there were two young guys (20's) sitting behind me.  

At the next stop a very attractive girl, also in her 20's, got on and one of the guys asked her if she would like a seat -  she declined.  His friend said to him:  "oh, you're so nice"    he replied  "yes,  I'm awesome".

Well….  he wasn't so damn awesome when an obviously pregnant woman in her 30s, holding the hand of a toddler, got on and had to stand.  

Neither of these young men behind me, nor the 40-ish man next to me, offered her a seat.   I did!   

Obviously,  the pregnant woman and the middle aged woman were totally invisible.

I seriously hope I have taught my two sons better!!!!!! 

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45 responses

  1. isn't that horrible? i remember that they did this case-study here in my city and discovered that women were more likely to give up their seat for another pregnant woman.

  2. LOL …. I remember a time before I became invisible – my first trip overseas when I was a strapping young girl straight off the farm and well able to carry my own bags, guys would offer to help me get it off the luggage carousels etc. Now I am in that middle invisible zone. I suspect when I get to be "elderly" guys might offer assistance because I remind them of their grandmother!

  3. i wonder if it's because us women have a true clue about the discomforts of pregnancy… even if we've never been pregnant before. or maybe we're just more intuitive especially in regards to other people's suffering? or maybe sisterhood just can't be beat! :)poo on the men who can't be polite enough to give up their seat for those who need it more then they do.

  4. Once when I was very pregnant and I got on a bus and no one stood up for me, I said, very loudly "So, no one is going to give their seat to the heavily pregnant woman then?" Everyone looked away or at the ground, but eventually one person slunk out. Such poor behaviour – I think people need to be called on it.

  5. yes he was awesome to give a chance for his friend to chat up a pretty girl loosing his chance! Ha! Ha! At that age they think with the other heads brain all others come off as"no!" but the pretty 20 year old registers as a chance to "Possible Score!" you just have to throw some water on them like dogs in heat!But this is the fun of mass transit you get to meet all kinds, from the good to the legends in their own mind!

  6. Once on the way to the hospital, I was 80% unconscious on the bus because I was running a super high fever. My mother asked a few people around if they could spare me a seat, everybody looked away and turned their backs towards us. Boy, what an aversion! So I stood all the way not feeling anything beneath my neck. I was only 13 or 14. I guess I didn't fall into the "attractive" category.

  7. It's really sad when you realize how shallow society is. I watched a program on how people were treated differently depending on weight and age. Fat young women and older women of all sizes were pretty much left to fend for themselves by both men and women. The young, slim women didn't even have to break a nail to open a door. I also hope I taught my son better.

  8. Unbelieveable. I won't give in to my temptation – to judge based on age or gender. But certainly many people are so ego-centric they will pat themselves on the back without a hint of self-awareness as to their primary motivations.
    I have every confidence, Emjay, that you did indeed teach your sons better. 😉

  9. LOL! I will take any help I am offered! I think I have earned that LOL. My second son was very well mannered while we were on our recent trip but of course I was with him then.

  10. I think we might just be more intuitive to other people's discomfort plus I think women have a better sense of "fairness" and what's "right" than men do. That shouldn't excuse bad manners though. When I was young I was taught to stand when someone older came into the room LOL – that's how old I am!

  11. Selectively awesome indeed – I'm sure it extends further than just giving up a seat on the train too. If I was still using the walking stick I might have been tempted to whack the guy next to me and the one on the aisle behind me on their legs as I got up!

  12. LOL…… wouldn't it be nice if he thought he could get her into bed by displaying some grace towards those less able to stand than himself! I like to think that would've impressed me when I was a young girl……. (I can't remember that far back now LOL).

  13. Good on you! I was once on a train when a guy with crutches and many bandages including some around his head got on and had to stand. I was standing already but another standing woman shouted: can someone please stand up for this injured man! Like you say, people looked away or down hoping that someone else would stand up – eventually someone did – but what a sad indictment on society!

  14. I was retelling this to a friend at work today and she said "you should've said, oh, this guy behind me was just offering his seat"……. in the hope of shaming him. Sadly, I think some people are past being shamed into doing the right thing!

  15. LOL – that's right! Maybe he didn't realise he was giving his friend a "chance". Having food and drink is illegal on our metro…. otherwise many people might have water thrown on them! (Yes, they have arrested people for eating and drinking on the trains!).

  16. I suppose we can never be sure how our boys are acting when we are not there. When I recently travelled with my 2nd son I said things like "I hope you do (whatever)….." quite often. LOL – the answer was always "yes mum"!

  17. That's an interesting study. You know today I was thinking about how I treat slightly older women on the train. I have never offered my seat to a woman who looks 10 or so years older than me – I actually thought that she would be just as capable as me to fend for herself! I stand for pregnant women and injured people of any age and also elderly men and women – but healthy people within a 10 year span of me are on their own! 🙂

  18. I also try not to judge on age but it just seems that as I get older young people get ruder! LOL …. that's the grumpy old woman coming out in me! Seriously though I really notice the few times that young guys stand or open a door for those in need.

  19. I hope you are right, but somehow I think that this generation of young people don't have as many manners as our generation does. That is why it is so hard to watch something like what you saw. Ya just want to smack them sometimes!

  20. "I want to be the age where I can smack those guys on the head and give them what-not for being so selectively awesome."
    Purple, I AM at the age where I am allowed to give stupid the smackdown whenever and wherever I want to. I almost wish this act of repellent-ancy was re-enacted in my presence just so I could make their selective chauvinism hurt.
    Gah. Youth can be so unattractive.

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